OR; this feeling of disquiet and the following week of books, memories and the journey west.
i asked these questions of the grifting lizard because of the conversation i had with my friend out west the previous day. i had wanted to believe that if any being, lizard or otherwise, could peer casually into the complex programming of the human mind, surely they could look, even the slightest bit forward into time. this was desperately hopeful behavior on my part and his answer to my question was both cold and honest, just like you’d expect from a lizard-guy. i’ve dealt with this eduardo ciannelli-sounding con-artist lizard guy for almost two years and i should be used to this.
he never lied to me because if he did, i could rest assured that it would be followed with a series of pleasant dining experiences ending with the lighting-fast sound of claws tearing into the flesh of my spine at the midpoint between my neck and the small of my back, a bone-wrenching squishy-sound, probably the last sound i would hear, other than my own agonized wail. all electronic and molecular information would be on the fast track the hell off this place, speeding like a scared rabbit anywhere-forward into the expanse of time and space before me, looking for “the eighth-electro-plasma-ocean of the ninth dimension” or any other place that could offer relief from those last few seconds on earth’s mortal coil. in the worlds of real and make-believe, all worlds collide at that moment of ultimate reckoning.
the moments i recall were the same. terror slipped away and was replaced with warmth. then, everything slipped away.
i choose to believe, at least at this moment, when i find myself consumed by such thoughts, that this is a blessed event as much as any other.
that even a greedy, self-obsessed human beast who falls victim to the wiles of dietary seduction by way of those rapacious, con-artist lizards who farm humanity by way of feeding on its baser instincts, on exposing mans’ inhumanity to man, in the end finds the math of the universe.
after all, it’s just math.
…….but i’m straying from the direction i intended on taking.
the eduardo ciannelli-looking lizard guy had nothing to lie about.
the previous day i had a conversation with my friend out west. she told me she didn’t feel at all well and had difficulty breathing.
she had planned on being in new york this very day i was at the beach.
i told her i wanted her to come and wouldn’t stop her but was concerned with her ability to function. it ended with her speaking to her doctor who had her re-admitted to the hospital.
this was a serious blow to her plans to come east and celebrate her birthday with me and her new york friends who were assembling here for a book reading the next tuesday evening.
as i write this, i glance over and open my phone, looking for a message. i know it’s not there, but i look anyway. i can’t stop.
the night of the day at the beach (and the momentary lizard-chat), i spoke to my friend who was heartbroken and slightly defeated.
these feelings would dissipate and be replaced with humor and resolve.
such is my friend’s nature.
i also told her that i was flying out the coming wednesday morning to visit her.
note to self; inquire as to her feelings about taoism and more importantly, the tao of bugs bunny.
i was more influenced by bugs bunny than anyone else in my formative years and i wonder if she was cut from the same philosophical cloth.
the night of the book reading she had produced, tuesday december 8th – was a celebration of the release of the book “i slept with joey ramone: a family memoir,” by mickey leigh and legs mcneil , but it was also her birthday, something cooked up between me and her partner misha while she was recovering from a previous surgery. she even arranged to have her longtime friends, spanking charlene, appear and do a set.
this was gonna be perfect.
she’s had more surgeries in the past seven months than i’ve had in the past fifty years.
and i’ve had MORE than a few surgeries…..
that night, the magic of murphy’s law came to visit, with our unsteady videostream going silent, she was watching via computer from her hospital room only to have no sound. she called me mid-show to tell me about this.
i felt like a boob. i checked and re-checked before the show.
i assured her that the sound would appear, but not until the following day, which it did.
talk about a buzzkill.
….this girl can’t get a break.
but i was flying out to see her in the morning.
i’d make everything right.
it’s what i do.